It's
like giving up home field advantage in a playoff
game
I didn't care about home field advantage; I only
wanted him to watch his drivingI winced every
time a car coming the other way looked a little
too close to the centerlineSometimes I stiffened
and pumped the invisible passenger brakeAs for
getting behind the wheel again myself, I thought
never sounded about rightOf course, God loves
surprisesThat's what Wireman says
20
Kathi Green the Rehab Queen had only been divorced
once, but she and Tom were on the same wavelength
I remember her sitting cross-legged in her leotard,
holding my feet and looking at me with grim
outrage
"Here you are, just out of Death's Motel and short
an arm, and she wants to call it offBecause you
poked her with a plastic hospital knife when you
could barely remember your own name? Fuck me til I
cry! Doesn't she understand that mood-swings and
short-term memory loss following accident dior china trauma
are common?"
"She understands that she's scared of me," I said
"Yeah? Well, listen to your Mama, Sunny Jim: if
you've got a good lawyer, you can make her pay for
being such a wimp Some hair had escaped from her
Rehab Gestapo ponytail and she blew it back from
her forehead"She ought to pay for itRead my
lips: None of this is your fault
"She says I tried to choke her
"And if so, being choked by a one-armed invalid
must have been a pants-wetting experienceCome on,
Eddie, make her payI'm sure I'm stepping way out
21
of my place, but I don't careShe should not be
doing what she's doing
"I think there's more to it than the choking thing
and the butter-knife thing
"What?"
"I can't remember
"What does she say?"
"She doesn't But Pam and I had been together a
long time, and even if love had run out into a
delta of passive acceptance, I thought I still
knew her well enough to know that yes - there had
been something gucci indy bag else, there was still something
else, and that was what she wanted to get away
from
iv
Not long after I relocated to the place on Lake
Phalen, the girls came to see me - the young women
They brought a picnic hamperWe sat on the pineysmelling
lakeporch, looked out at the lake, and
nibbled sandwichesIt was past Labor Day by then,
most of the floating toys put away for another
yearThere was also a bottle of wine in the
22
hamper, but I only drank a littleOn top of the
pain medication, alcohol hit me hard; a single
beer could turn me into a slurring drunkThe
girls - the young women - finished the rest
between them, and it loosened them upMelinda,
back from France for the second time since my
argument with the crane and not happy about it,
asked me if all adults in their fifties had these
unpleasant regressive interludes, did she have
that to look forward toIlse, the younger, began
to cry, leaned against me, and asked cartier must 21 why it
couldn't be like it was, why couldn't we - meaning
her mother and me - be like we wereLin told her
this wasn't the time for Illy's patented Baby Act,
and Illy gave her the finger
Lin's temper and Ilse's tears weren't pleasant,
but they were honest, and as familiar to me as the
mole on Ilse's chin or the faint vertical frownline,
which in time would deepen into a groove,
between Lin's eyes
Linnie wanted to know what I was going to do, and
I told her I didn't knowI'd come a long distance
toward deciding to end my own life, but I knew
23
that if I did it, it must absolutely look like an
accidentI would not leave these two young women,
just starting out in their lives, carrying the
residual guilt of their father's suicideNor
would I leave a load of guilt behind for the woman
with whom I had once shared a milkshake in bed,
both of us naked and laughing and listening to the
Plastic Ono Band on the stereo
After omega automatic seamaster they'd had a chance to vent - after a full
and complete exchange of feelings, in DrKamenspeak
- my memory is that we had a pleasant
afternoon, looking at old photo albums and
reminiscing about the pastI think we even
laughed some more, but not all memories of my
other life are to be trustedWireman says when it
comes to the past, we all stack the deck
Ilse wanted us all to go out to dinner, but Lin
had to meet someone at the Public Library before
it closed, and I said I didn't feel much like
hobbling anywhere; I thought I'd read a few
chapters of the latest John Sandford and then go
to bedThey kissed me - all friends again - and
then left
24
Two minutes later, Ilse came back"I told Linnie
I forgot my keys," she said
"I take it you didn't," I saidDaddy, would you ever hurt Mom? I mean, now?
On purpose?"
I shook my head, but that wasn't good enough for
herI could tell by the way she just stood there,
looking me in the gucci back pack ey

my hip's hurting a little
"Have you had your pain pills?"
134
"ActuallyI'm stepping down on those a little
morePlan on getting off them entirely in January
That's my New Year's resolution
"Daddy, that's wonderful!"
"Although New Year's resolutions are made to be
brokenYou do what you say you're going to do"That's one of the things Mom never
liked about youI think it makes her jealous
"Hon, the divorce is just something that happened
Don't go picking sides, okay?"
"Well, I'll tell you something else that's
happening," Ilse saidHer lips had thinned down
"Since she's been out in Palm Desert, she's seeing
an awful lot of this guy down the streetShe says
it's just coffee and sympathy - because Max lost
his father last year, and Max really likes Grampy,
and blah-blah-blah - but I see the way she cartier pasha watch looks
at him and Icare for it!" Now her
lips were almost gone, and I thought she looked
eerily like her motherThe thought that came with
this was oddly comforting: I think she'll be all
rightI think if this holy Jones boy jilts her,
she'll still be okay
135
I could see my rental car, but Jack would be
awhile yetThe pickup traffic was stop-and-goI
leaned my crutch against my midsection and hugged
my daughter, who had come all the way from
California to see me"Go easy on your mother,
okay?"
"Don't you even care that-"
"What I mostly care about these days is that you
and Melinda are happy
There were circles under her eyes and I could see
that, young or not, all the traveling had tired
her outI thought she'd sleep late tomorrow, and
that was fineIf my feeling about her boyfriend
was right - I gucci watches for women hoped it wasn't but thought it was -
she had some sleepless nights ahead of her in the
year to come
Jack had made it as far as the Air Florida
terminal, which still gave us some time"Do you
have a picture of your guy? Enquiring Dads want to
know The picture she
brought out of her red leather wallet was in one
of those see-through plastic envelopesShe teased
it out and handed it to meI guess this time my
136
reaction didn't show, because her fond (really
sort of goofy) smile didn't changeAnd me? I felt
as though I'd swallowed something that had no
business going down a human throatA piece of
lead shot, maybe
It wasn't that Carson Jones resembled the man I'd
drawn on Christmas EveI was prepared for that,
had been since I saw the little ring twinkling
prettily on Ilse's fingerWhat shocked me prada fairy was
that the photo was almost exactly the sameIt was
as if, instead of clipping a photo of sophora, sea
lavender, or inkberry to the side of my easel, I
had clipped this very photographHe was wearing
the jeans and the scuffed yellow workboots that I
hadn't been able to get quite right; his darkish
blond hair spilled over his ears and his forehead;
he was carrying a book I knew was a Bible in one
handMost telling of all was the Minnesota Twins
tee-shirt, with the number 48 on the left breast
"Who's number 48, and how did you happen to meet a
Twins fan at Brown? I thought that was Red Sox
country
"Number 48's Torii Hunter," she said, looking at
me as if I was the world's biggest dummox"They
137
have a huge TV in the main student lounge, and I
went in there one day last July when the Sox and
Twins chanel jumbo were playingThe place was crammed even
though it was summer session, but Carson and I
were the only ones with our Twins on - him with
his Torii tee-shirt, me with my capSo of course
we sat together, and She shrugged, to show the
rest was history
"What flavor is he, religiously speaking?"
"Baptist She looked at me a little defiantly, as
though she'd said CannibalBut as a member in
good standing of The First Church of Nothing in
Particular, I had no grudge against the Baptists
The only religions I don't like are the ones that
insist their God is bigger than your God"We've
been going to services together three times a week
for the last four months
Jack pulled up, and she bent to grab the handles
of her various bags"He's going to take spring
semester off to travel with this really wonderful
gospel chanel black handbags gr

He had seen him but he hadn't wanted to look at himOnly now, Wilson was so clear to himHis face had been white, and his uniform was covered with bloodRoth was shocked, a little sick, as he remembered how very red the blood had beenI thought it was darker somehow Oh, what does it matter?
Wilson had always been so alive, and he wasn't a bad fellowSo badly wounded; he had looked dead when they brought him inIt was difficult to conceive, Roth thought, and then shuddered uncontrollablyWhat if the bullet had hit me? Roth saw the blood rippling brilliantly out of a deep hole gucci g watch in his bodyOoh, the wound was like a mouth, it was horrible lookingTo add to his misery his stomach began to churn, and he lay on his chest, retching feebly
Oh, this was awful, he had to get his mind off it
He looked at the man lying beside himIt was almost entirely dark, and he could barely make out his features
"Red?" he whispered softly
"Yeah?"
He caught himself from saying, "Are you awake?" Instead, he propped himself on an elbow"You feel like talking?" he asked
"I don't give a damn, I can't sleep anyway
"It's overfatigue that causes it; we've been going too cartier tank louis fast"If you want to bitch, tell it to Croft
"No, I think you misunderstood me He was silent for a moment, and then could hold it no longer"That was terrible what happened to WilsonHe had been brooding about it ever since he had got into his bedding"Aaah, you can't kill that old sonofabitch Wilson
"You think so?" Roth was relieved"Only there was so much blood over him
"What the fug did ya expect to see -- milk?" Roth irritated him; anyone, everyone would have irritated him tonightWilson was one of the old men in the platoonWhy the hell did it have to be him? Red omega replica watches thoughtThe old anxiety, the basic one was workingHe liked Wilson; Wilson was perhaps his best friend in the platoon, but that didn't count; he allowed himself to like no one so well that it would hurt if he was lostBut Wilson had been in the platoon as long as himselfIt was different when a replacement was knocked off, just as it meant much less when a man from another platoon was killedThat didn't affect you, that didn't touch your safetyIf Wilson was gone, his turn was next"Listen, that big sonofabitch had to stop a bullet sometimeHow the hell can you miss him?"
"Only it chanel purses bags happened so suddenly"When it's your turn I'll send you a telegram
"You shouldn't say that even in kidding Red shuddered unaccountablyThe moon was coming out, limning the slabs of the cliffs with silverLying on his back, he could see up the great slopes of the mountain almost to its peakNothing seemed right at this momentHe could even believe it might be bad luck to say such a thing to Roth"Forget it," he said more softly
"Oh, that's all right, no offenseI can understand how you're wrought upI can't even stop thinking about it myselfOne moment a man's perfectly all right and omega planet ocean watches

Croft massaged his chin, examining the Lieutenant's face"I'll take the squad, huh, Lootenant?"
No! This was where he had to step in"I'm going to take it, Sergeant"You better take Martinez's squadMost of the older men are in itHe thought he had detected a trace of surprise and disappointment in Croft's expression and it pleased himBut immediately afterward he was annoyed with himselfHe was getting childish
He motioned to Martinez and held up one finger to indicate he wanted the first squadAfter a minute or two, the men formed about himHearn could feel some tension in his throat, and when he spoke his voice was hoarse, a whisper"We're going to move into that grove, and the second squad will cover usI don't have to tell you to keep your eyes open He fingered his throat, feeling as though he had forgotten chanel purses and handbags something"Keep at least five yards apart Some of the men nodded in agreement
Hearn stood up, climbed over the ledge, and began to walk across the open field toward the foliage that covered the entrance to the passBehind him and to his left and right, he could hear the footsteps of the squadAutomatically he held his rifle at his side, both hands gripping the stockThe field was a hundred yards long, and perhaps thirty yards wide, bordered by the cliffs on one side and the valley of tall grass on the otherIt sloped downward slightly over a run of scattered small rocksThe sun beat on it fiercely, refracting brightly from the stones and the barrels of their riflesThe silence was intense again, laving itself in layers of somnolence
Hearn could feel the impact of each step on the sore bruised ball of his foot, but it seemed chanel quilted bags to exist at a great distance from his body; he knew remotely that his hands were slippery on the gunThe tension banked itself in his chest only to flare forth at any unexpected sound, anyone kicking a stone or scuffling his feetHe swallowed, looked behind him for a moment at the squad of menHis senses were exceptionally alertBehind everything, he had a suppressed joy and excitement
Some of the foliage in the grove seemed to moveHe halted abruptly, and stared across the fifty yards which separated themSeeing nothing, he waved his hand forward again, and they continued to advance
BEE-YOWWWWW!
The shot ricocheted off a rock and went singing into the distanceSuddenly, terrifyingly, the grove crackled with gunfire, and the men in the field withered before it like a wheat prairie in a squallHearn dropped to the fendi b ground behind a rock, looked behind him to see the rest of the men crawling for cover, squirming and cursing and shouting at each otherThe rifle fire continued, steady and vicious, mounting in crescendo with the parched snapping sound of wood in a forest fireThe bullets chirruped by in the soft buzzing sound of insects on the wing, or glanced off a rock and went screaming through the air with the tortured howl of metal ripping apartBEE-YOWWWWWW! BEEE-YOWWWWWWW! TEE-YOOOOOOOOONG! The men in the field flopped behind their rocks, quivered helpless, afraid to raise their headsBehind them, back of the rock ledge, after a pause, Croft and his squad had begun to fire into the grove at the other end of the fieldThe walls of the cliff refracted the sound, bounced it back into the valley, where it rushed about in disorder, chanel jumbo bag the echoes overlapping like conflicting ripples in a brookA wash of sound beat over the men, almost deafening them
Hearn lay prone behind a rock, his limbs twitching, sweat running into his eyesHe stared for long seconds at the granite veins and tissues of the rock before him, looking with numb absorption, without volitionEverything in him had come undoneThe impulse to cover his head and wait passively for the fight to terminate was very powerfulHe heard a sound trickle out of his lips, was dumbly surprised to know he had made itWith everything, with the surprising and unmanning fear was a passionate disgust with himselfHe couldn't quite believe itHe had never been in combat before, but to act like this
BEE-YOWWWWWW! Rock fragments and powder settled on his neck, itched slightlyThe gunfire was spiteful, chloe bag bay malevolen

It was pleasant to be lying there, knowing that in an hour they would turn backA small filtrate of the terror he had felt in the ambush worked through him for a moment
"Yeah," Red mutteredAnd now the LieutenantHe could see Hearn scowling when he had refused the offer to be a noncomHis mind skated on the brittlest ice, and he had a vague sense of oppression as if there was something he could not afford to face, something that was going to come up again
"The Lootenant was a good guy," Wyman blurted suddenlyThe words shocked him deeplyFor the first time he bridged the distance between his few contacts chanel devil wears prada necklace with Hearn and the last glimpse he had had of him, the bloody meaningless corpse"A good guy," he repeated doubtfully, feeling his way around the edge of the terror this caused
"They ain't a fuggin one of those officers is worth a goddam," Red sworeHis exhausted limbs twitched nervously from his anger
"Oh, I don't know, there's all kinds of guys Wyman protested gentlyHe was still trying to bridge the sound of the Lieutenant's voice with the color of his blood
"I wouldn't spit on the best one of them," Minetta said furiouslyA mild superstition about not saying anything bad about the dead troubled him, white ceramic chanel watch but he repressed it defiantly"I ain't afraid of saying what I thinkThey're all bastards Under his high forehead, Minetta's eyes looked large, excited"If it took him being knocked off for us to go back, then I'll settle for that They had sent him out, they didn't give a goddam, but who could he fight against? "Aaaah He lit a cigarette, puffed cautiously at it, for the smoke roiled his stomach
"Who says we're going back?" Polack asked
"That looey did," Wyman said He rolled over on his stomach
Polack picked his nose"Y'wanta bet we ain't knocking off?" There was something screwy about the whole setup, white chanel watch screwy as hellThat Croft, what a babyIt was the kind of guy you needed, a sonofabitch
"Aw," Wyman said vaguelyFor an instant he thought of the girl who had stopped writing letters to himHe didn't even care if she was alive or dead nowWhat did it matter? He stared up at the mountain, and hoped they would turn backHad Croft said anything about it?
As if to answer him, Croft sauntered toward them from his guard post"All right, you men, let's get movin'
"We going back, Sergeant?" Wyman asked
"Don't gimme any of your goddam lip, Wyman, we're gonna try the mountain A low shocked chorus, grumbling and gucci men wallet resentful, answered him"Any one of you men got something to say about it?"
"Why the hell don't we go back, Croft?" Red asked
'"Cause that ain't what they sent us out to do Croft hovered about an intense rageHe would not be balked nowFor an instant he was tempted to raise his rifle and blast it at Valsen's headHe felt himself compressing his jaws"Come on, you men, you want the Japs to be waitin' for ya again?"
Gallagher glared at him"That lootenant said we're goin' back
"I'm in charge of this platoon now He stared at them, besting them with his eyesOne by one they stood up, hoisted their packs white ceramic chanel watch sull